Bullet Points: The Ten Human Sized Heroes Who Can Kick Your Supervillain’s Ass

Wolverine

The original badass Canuck, Wolverine’s origins are more convoluted than David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. Logan, as he likes to call himself, has been through multiple mind erasures, near death experiences, and battles that have left him scarred both emotionally and physically. Yet his healing factor and his resolve allow him to keep fighting the good fight. Though he’s no saint, he almost always stands up for the innocent because it’s the right thing to do… and because it’s guaranteed to be a hell of a fight.  

Wonder Woman

Amazonian Princess. Ambassador to humanity. Strongest woman in the world and warrior extraordinaire. Princess Diana can hold her own against any foe and can go toe to toe with any hero. With the abilities of super strength, super speed, flight, and a natural affinity for warfare mixed with years and years of the greatest Amazonian training, Wonder Woman is a force to be reckoned with.  

And she’s hot. 

Weakness? Hot pants riding up.

Spawn

Government assassin betrayed and murdered by his boss, Jason Wynn, Al Simmons is sent to hell, where he makes a deal with the demon ruler Malebolgia to return to Earth and his wife. In exchange, Simmons agrees to become the Hellspawn, harbinger of the Apocalypse and Malebolgia’s agent against the forces of heaven. As Spawn, Simmons is cursed to wear the necroplasmic endoskeleton, empowered with the magic-based powers of hell, which he can use for whatever he sees fit. And, thanks to this magic, Spawn can lose a limb and reattach it, no problemo.  

Weakness? Occasional tendency toward emo-whining instead of kicking ass. “Wandaaaaaaa!!!”

The Sentry

Marvel’s answer to Superman, The Sentry has “the power of a thousand suns.” I guess that’s in comparison to Superman’s single sun power? Anyway, The Sentry allegedly was powerful and well known in the ‘70’s, but then an “unknown event” caused the entire populace of the world to forget he existed. Now he’s returned, and is solving problems all over the world with the help of his supercomputer, which relays information to him in order of urgency.  

Weakness? Split personality disorder. Apparently his mind has issues and contains a persona known as the Void, which he has to keep in check at all times. So, basically, he’s Superman with mental problems.

Green Lantern 

A member of the intergalactic police force, The Green Lantern Corps, wields the Green Lantern ring, which literally creates whatever its bearer needs or imagines. The power is limitless and is only subject to its user’s imagination. 

Weakness? Yellow. Sadly, that’s not a joke. For some asinine reason, Green Lantern power is negated by yellow. Also, add to that weakness the user’s imagination. Green Lantern bearers tend to make things like giant hammers and giant lanterns instead of things that might be useful.

Thor

The Norse God of Thunder, and carrier of the great hammer Mjolnir, Thor is one of the most hardcore characters in the Marvel Universe. After bringing about Ragnarok and destroying all of the Norse gods, Thor sets out to resurrect them by finding the humans in which their souls reside. Thor, as our resident Viking Erik the Red can attest, is the most badass of the Norse gods as the successor to Odin. 

Weakness? Tendency to speak in old English script… yeesh.

Firestorm

He’s nuclear. He’s two (sometimes three) people rolled into one nuclear powered being, who even bested Superman once by sealing him in a Kryptonite bubble. Firestorm has superhuman strength, flight, and the ability to transmute inorganic matter as he sees fit (and as the laws of physics allow).  

Weakness? Flaming hair. Not as in gay, but as in on fire. Women don’t tend to like men with ignited hair.

Flash

Super speed doesn’t sound like much, until you realize that it goes a lot deeper than just running. Flash’s super speed translates to all aspects of his actions and thought, even to the point of allowing him to vibrate his molecules so fast that he can pass through anything. Besides, imagine being able to hit someone a thousand times in a second. In the “Kingdom Come” graphic novel, Flash had evolved to the point where he defended his city by being everywhere at once, moving so fast that the entire city was enveloped in a red blur. 

Weakness? Let’s hope that super speed doesn’t translate to the ladies… or else minute man might be a compliment for him…

Superman

You know there was no choice but to put Superman on this list. The Last Son of Krypton is considered to be one of the most powerful heroes ever conceived, embodying the best potential of mankind, both in his moral compass and in his capacity for hope and compassion. With the abilities of virtual invulnerability, super speed, super strength, flight, heat vision, freezing breath and the ability to not look incredibly goofy in red, blue and yellow tights, Superman’s only truly been defeated once.  

Weakness? Bad writing. Superman’s been written so long that he tends to be somewhat boring, as he’s been proven to be able to stand up to any and every villain he faces, and even when his true weakness of Kryptonite is introduced, we know he won’t fail or be defeated. 

Silver Surfer

Norrin Radd, inhabitant of the planet Zenn-La, sacrificed himself to the consumer of worlds, Galactus, and became his herald. Given a portion of the “Power Cosmic”, Norrin was transformed into the Silver Surfer and sent forth into the universe to find worlds on which Galactus could feed. Eventually, the Surfer came to Earth, where the Fantastic Four’s nobility convinced him to stand up to Galactus and the planet eater was eventually driven away. Galactus exiled the Silver Surfer, and upon his exile, he joined with several of the heroes of Earth to defeat seemingly innumerable planetary invaders.  

Weakness? He’s not wearing any pants… and doesn’t seem to have any genitalia… that’s gotta be a problem.