Bullet Points: The 7 Least Manly TV Show Themes
By Eddie Machado on April 02, 2008 - 4:00 pm | PermalinkSex and the City
Ask any man. As soon as you hear that little jingle, you're balls retract into your body and you can literally feel your estrogen levels rise. The show is essentially all about women trying to get laid. It would be nice if any of them were remotely attractive. The opener goes down in un-manly history due to its focus on Sarah Jessica Parker wearing a tutu in the streets of Manhattan. Are you gagging yet?
Two and a Half Men
I don't know who convinced Charlie Sheen that singing some kind of show tune to start his show would be cool. The first time I saw it, I burst out laughing. It turns out that was the only laugh in the show. What's worse is that they have the teenage kid singing with the voice of a woman. I'm sure that's not going to cause any gender issues down the road.
Golden Girls
Think "Sex and the City" meets "your grandmother and her friends" and you've got the Golden Girls. Not only is this theme a ballad of womanly friendship, but it's littered with creatures who are old enough to have invented fire. I'm also pretty sure one of them has a penis. I can't put my finger on who though...
Maude
Punky Brewster
Punky Brewster's opening theme song is on the list thanks to the heart-warming song in the opening credits. I could let the 80's writing and the many, many random hugs slide, but the song is just terrible. I dare you to walk into a bar and start singing it to your buddies. A beating will surely ensue. Besides, the actress that played Punky Brewster ended up getting breast reduction surgery and nothing is more an affront to manliness than breast reduction. Nothing.
Jem
Do I really need to explain why this one made the list? Jem is outrageous alright. Outrageously unmanly. The only way this show could be any more unmanly is if it featured Bruce Willis wearing a dress.
Facts of Life
Normally, a house full of mischievous teenage women wearing short skirts and talking about boys would sound like a great idea. This idea hits a snag once the girls gain about 10-20 pounds between each season. In fact, I think you can watch them slowly getting bigger through the opening credits.
