Bullet Points: The 15 Coolest Fat Men

15. Greg Grunberg

Here’s a way to rock being fat—have superpowers. This lunch-sized Jew can read minds on the TV show “Heroes,” and let’s not forget he banged the Goth chick in “Felicity” (admit you saw it). He also is a do-gooder, fundraising for epilepsy research to help his disabled son. That’s what we love—magical fatties with a heart of gold.

14. Meat Loaf 

A hot and fat phenomenon among musicians, Meat Loaf had the voice of an opera singer, but he chose to be a rocker and bang tons of chicks instead. This shows he is also smart.

13. The fat comedians

Jack Black, John Candy, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Oliver Hardy—Probably responsible for Borat in some way. The funny man can choose his woman.

12. Orson Welles

As Big Poppa in “The Long Hot Summer,” and other less gay films, no one messes with Orson Wells.

11. Marlon Brando

Running the mob or an illicit Cambodian killing machine—two more great uses of extra-large men.

10. Jabba the Hut

Having slave girls and running the galaxy—J. Hiddy definitely was one cool mother… whatever he was.

9. Babe Ruth

Slugger and lover. Would you call the Babe fat? Not to his face.

8. Ron Jeremy

Possibly the biggest… man. Being a chub didn’t stop this man from having a glorious career, and his success with the ladies is well-documented.

7. James Earl Jones

He can use the force, and has a voice that could make Princess Leia come. Pretty cool for a guy who was mute for eight years in his childhood (wiki’ it). He also wins things like Oscars and was on Sesame Street.

6. Kevin Smith

Shame on you for not offering your sister or yourself up to Kevin Smith at this very moment. He introduced America to a donkey show in Clerks II, but did you know he applied to NYU with his script for “Mallrats” and was rejected before going on to make “Clerks”? The king of independent filmmaking, it’s his fault all those youtubers are inspired to upload their own masterpieces.

5. Andre the Giant

The man’s man.  Andre grew to be 7 feet high due to a disease called acromegaly, but chose not to have it treated to stay the biggest dude around.  Famous as a wrestler, we also love him for “The Princess Bride.” Once when four men harassed him in a bar, Andre chased them until they locked themselves in their car, which he then tipped over. Police never believed the drunken men’s story about a giant who tipped over their car.

4. Buddha

Enlightened and always lucky, Buddha was originally trained as a warrior and a rather big dude. His statues look as if he appreciates good food, although he spent a lot of time fasting back in the day. The “Rub my belly for good luck” pickup line is all thanks to him.

3. Santa

He’s got XBoxes for all and a lap big enough for every girl in the house.

2. Biggie Smalls

Notorious for selling records even after his death, Big was both a straight-A English student and drug dealer in his childhood. He is credited with starting rejuvenating New York hip hop, and kind of started a feud with the West coast as well. Two sides to Biggie, and a whole lotta man-flesh to love.

1. Chow Yun-Fat

Maybe that’s just his last name. Those Crouching Tiger flannels were kind of roomy.

“Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.” –some hussy by name of Katharine Whitehorn 

“Let me have men about me that are fat.” –Julius Caesar. Guess he was a bottom.