Bullet Points: 8 Insane Tales of Decapitation

Fatal Helicoptery - Boris Sagal and Vic Morrow

Ah, Vic Morrow and Boris Sagal. Two relatively below the radar Hollywood players, one an actor (Morrow) and one a director (Sagal). Both had daughters who eventually found fame (Morrow's daughter Jennifer Jason Leigh of "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Backdraft" fame and Saga's daughter Katey Sagal played Peggy Bundy on "Married With Children" and Leela on "Futurama). Also, both men were decapitated by helicopters in freak accidents while filming. Yeesh.

To make matters worse, the projects both men were working on were, for the most part, total crap. Vic Morrow (and two children actors, My-Ca Dinh Le and Renee Shin-Yi Chen) were filming a scene for John Landis' section of the 1980s film version of "The Twilight Zone" when an explosion fucked up the stunt helicopter being used and Vic and Le had their heads sliced off (while Chen was "merely" crushed to death by the helicopter).

After some investigation, it turned out John Landis was somewhat at fault for the accident because he was repeatedly warned that the stunt could be very dangerous. Jennifer Jason Leigh took note and sued his ass (and settled out of court). So don't hold your breath for an  "American Werewolf In London" sequel starring JJL.

Boris Sagal's death was, as already noted, eerily similar to that of Morrow's. Sagal was directing a crappy made-for-tv movie "World War III" when he WALKED INTO the spinning blades of a helicopter's tail section. That smarts.

Though of COURSE there really isn't a silver lining involved when it comes to helicopter-related decapitations, we will say this: the odd nature of Morrow and Sagal's deaths have us talking about them to this day. We probably wouldn't even remember them had they not been brutally decapitated. I doubt Katey Sagal and Jennifer Jason Leigh want any part of that, though, so let's just, uhm, moooove on...

The Funny Behind Abbott and Costello - Robert Lees

While certainly all decapitations are unnecessary, certainly, CERTAINLY Robert Lees' decapitation was VERY FUCKING unnecessary. That's because the man who served as the screenwriter for many of the Abbott and Cosello classics was decapitated at age 91 by a crazy homeless vagrant. Lees made it to his 90s and had the misfortunate to have a psychotic killer just run into his house at random and cut off his head.

Kevin Lee Graff, the man who beheaded Robert Lees, didn't even steal anything. He was simply a raving lunatic. This was further proven when Graff grabbed Lee's head and then stormed Lees' neighbor's home, killed the neighbor (with a fireplace poker) and then threw Lees' head onto a bed somewhere in the house. Dr. Morley Engleson, Lees' neighbor, was actually on the phone with a Southwest Airlines ticket agent at the time of his brutal neck stabbing. So let's recap... a homeless vagrant stormed a 91-year-old's house, cut of the man's head, grabbed the head, quickly ran next door and, upon finding someone there, stabbed them to death in the neck despite the fact that he was still on the phone.

I don't think anyone's surprised Graff's in jail for the rest of his life with no chance of parole. 

Race Car Drivers

Apart from being an oblivious monarch or a future saint, there is no occupation more likely to result in the separation of your head from your body than professional car racing.  Take the case of Gerry Birrell, the promising young Scotsman who in 1973 ran his car through a poorly secured crash barrier.  The barrier came loose, Birrell went under it with his car, and his head was removed.

J.G Parry-Thomas was also a racer, but was more disposed to breaking records.  In that vein, one day in Wales, in 1927, Parry-Thomas was attempting to break the land-speed record with his car, a 27 liter V12 monster named Babs.  One interesting thing about Babs was that her motor was connected to the wheels via exposed external chains on each side of the car.  Additionally, due to the obviously huge size of the engine, the engine cover protruded up in the center of the car, causing Parry-Thomas to lean over the right side while driving.  As fate had it, and as the car pushed past 170 mph, the right drive chain snapped, whipped up, and took J.G.'s head off.

The third and final entry to this absolutely grisly montage may be more familiar to you.  It occurred in 1995 and involves NASCAR driver Russell Phillips.  In the accident, the 26-year-old Phillips car was pinned against the wall where it then flipped.  The car skidded upside down on the wall for several hundred feet, and the roof of the car had collapsed almost immediately.  Phillips was likely killed instantly, and the ensuing scene was more familiar to a warzone than a sporting event.  The first responder ran to Phillips car then immediately turned away as he saw that what remained of the young driver.  The race was stopped as crews scattered across the track to place sheets over whatever body parts could be found.  A hand was found in the retaining fence.  Russell Phillips head, the helmet still on, was recovered near the entrance to pit row.  The following year, a mandatory bar was installed on all cars which theoretically keeps such a catastrophic roof collapse from occurring.

Elevator Action

There are plenty of reasons to be scared of elevators.  Maybe the cable could snap.  Maybe you could get trapped inside for days.  Or maybe they just hunger for heads.

Take, for instance, Dr. Hitoshi Nikaidoh, a surgical resident in Houston's Christus St. Joseph Hospital.  In August of 2003, he simply attempted to board an elevator.  It's a mistake we all make from time to time.  This particular elevator decided it had enough of the doctor's shenanigans and closed it's doors on him.  As the car rose past the floor, the doctor's head was sheared off between his upper and lower jaw.  His body fell down the elevator shaft and was recovered along with his personal effects.  The woman who was in the elevator car, who had frantically tried to open the elevator doors, stop the car and save the doctor, was treated for extremely understandable shock.

They should have known, though, that elevators can't be trusted.

In 1995, James Chenault had the bad idea of riding an elevator in the Bronx.  He got on at the first floor, and the elevator immediately started behaving strangely, jumping to the second floor with unusual speed.  He began to help the four women he was with off the elevator.  The second of the four women got her foot caught somehow while attempting to disembark, and Chenault tried to free her.  He was successful, but the elevator then jumped up again with still open doors.  Chenault's head was severed immediately between the elevator car's floor and the ceiling of the building's second floor.  His body dropped to the floor in the hallway, and his head rocketed to the 9th floor on the elevator, still with his Walkman's headphones on, the remaining women forever traumatized. 

Caught on Tape - Daniel Pearl and Nick Berg

Even though, as we've shown above, that decapitations do in fact occur in our own backyard from time to time, the American public at large didn't really think about them until the beheading deaths of Daniel Pearl and Nick Berg, at the hands of two separate groups of Islamic Extremists.

Daniel Pearl was a "Wall Street Journal" reporter covering. In 2002, Pearl was reporting on the Richard Reid shoe bomber case and headed to Pakistan on what eventually became a false (and deadly) lead. In Karachi, Pearl was kidnapped by a group called The National Movement for the Restoration of Pakistani Sovereignty. The group held Pearl hostage and emailed the US Government a preposterous list of demands, like freeing all Pakistanis held for terror and sending over fighter jets.

Obviously, the government didn't meet the demands so the terrorists grabbed a camcorder and some sharp instruments and cut off Daniel's head.

Two years later, businessman Nick Berg was kidnapped and beheaded by a terrorist group in Iraq. Berg was over fishing for telecommunications work (his expertise was in fixing antennas and had done so in both Kenya and Uganda prior to visiting Iraq).

Berg didn't find the work he was looking for and tried to come home but he ran into some minor trouble with the Iraqi government and US Military. He was eventually released and then he mysteriously disappeared.

Almost a month later, Berg's decapitated body was found on an overpass in Baghdad. Soon after, the terror group Muntada al-Ansar released a video of them decapitating Nick. His kidnapping and beheading was, as the video states, a retaliation for the prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib.

The deaths of these two Americans in the Middle East are signs that the times really have changed; unlike during prior wars, the brutality of the decapitations of Pearl and Berg will forever exist on videotape for the world to see.

Weird Wijerd

I'm going to tell you right now that this story is not notable for the decapitation.  You should know, then, that it is a ridiculous story.  Any story that includes a decapitation as a footnote is a fucking winner.

Wijerd Jelckama was a Frisian military commander.  The Frisians were a Germanic tribe whose lands included small portions of the Netherlands, Germany and a smidgen of Denmark.  I swear to you he is a real person.  At least, I have no particular reason to doubt that he was.  He was not up to par inasmuch that he failed in his duties as a commander following the death of his uncle.  Apparently, when you are a Frisian, and you fail in the consummation of your duties, somebody is going to chop your head off.  In this case, it was the Burgundians who did the head removal.  Who cares.  Let's talk about his uncle.

Wijerd's uncle went by the name of Pier Gerlof Donia, and Pier was a fucking badass.  He was a freedom fighter, and he is still legendary in the region for his strength, courage, wit and military wherewithal.  He was a hulking man with a huge black beard and mustache.  Here are some interesting facts about him:

• He was 7 feet tall.
• He could lift a 1,000 lb horse over his head.
• He could bend coins using his thumb and two fingers.
• He had a 7 foot long sword.
• He invented the Cotton Gin.
  

It doesn't really matter which of those are true and which aren't.  The rest of these stories are all awful, and Pier/Wijerd is a necessary break, because these next two are the fucking worst.

The Little Flower Girl

You normally won't find stories that run on Oprah to run here, but I suppose an exception will be made when it comes to decapitations.

A limousine carrying a family of six (grandparents Christopher and Denise, parents Jennifer and Neil and daughters Grace and Katie) was driving on a Long Island highway when a drunk driver, going the WRONG DIRECTION on the highway, struck the car at full speed.

The driver, Martin Heidgen, whose blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit, hit the car so hard that 5-year-old Katie was decapitated by her seat belt. According to witnesses on the scene, her mother held onto her head for two hours after the crash, unwilling to let go until finally persuaded by the police.

I'd make a joke right now, but then I'd have to fucking kill myself. Jeeeesus.

The Long Ride Home

What is the drunkest you've ever been?  Think about that for a moment, and then hold that thought.

After what one would assume was a long night of heavy drinking and much debauchery, two young men who had been friends since high school -- 21-year-old John Hutcherson and 23-year-old Francis Brohm -- left a Georgia bar early on a Sunday morning when the older of the two men complained that he wasn't feeling well.  Hutcherson drove, and apparently was all over the road, as 12 miles from his house he swerved, veered off the road and hit the guide wire on a telephone pole.  He then drove the remaining 12 miles home, parked his car, went in his house and went to sleep.

Unfortunately, he failed to realize that when he hit said guide wire, Brohm was hanging out the window of the car, and the wire collaborated with the speed of the car to cut his head off.  When police woke Hutcherson the next day after a passerby discovered the beheaded body still sitting in the passenger seat of his car, Hutcherson was still covered in his friend's blood from the night before.

Now then, have you ever been that drunk?  That is, have you ever been drunk enough to cut someone's head off without even realizing it?  You've woken up in an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar bed, with an unfamiliar person and unfamiliar scrapes and bruises, sure.  But have you ever woken up with a headless corpse in your car?  Have you ever woken up headless?  THIS STORY IS FUCKING INSANE.