Attack Mode: Surviving a Hostage Situation

PREVENT BEING TAKEN HOSTAGE

Let's be frank. A hostage situation is pretty shitty. At the time of this writing, there's a whole hostage crisis going down in Afghanistan, with captured South Koreans getting killed...basically just a mess.

So the key to staying alive during a hostage situation is to NOT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE. The best way to do that is to totally avoid any situations where a hostage situation might go down. That means cross off all Muslim countries and a lot of Europe from your "must visit" list. You might as well take New York, LA and Chicago off your list too. Mexico might be a bad idea too. Oh, you'll want to avoid banks, the post office, high schools and any place where someone would either rob or have a meltdown and start opening fire.

Terror "expert" Tom Clancy put it best when asked how to avoid being kidnapped:

"You don't go to the areas where there can be that opportunity for someone to be taken.

Obviously, there are other means that you used when they are planned kidnappings. That's a completely different case.

But Jonathan, yesterday morning, I got into the elevator, coming down to the office here at the Palestinian Hotel. 6:30 in the morning. And there were two Czech journalists who were here with me. They had their bags, their luggage with them. And I said to them where are you going and how are you getting there. They said they were going to Amman. We discussed it. They said yes, we know it's very risky, but we've got a good driver and we're going to head up there.

Tonight, Jonathan, I found out the Czech journalists are missing."

If you can't afford to live a danger zone-free life, there are some further methods you can go through to avoid being captured. If cost is no issue, you should hire a body guard. Everyone who has acquired  a certain level of fame or fortune has one...it's just the smart thing to do. Look at John Lennon and Patty Hearst...if you're rich and famous...firstly, hit me up, my brother...and secondly get a body guard. More and more people are getting them...even the Wall Street Journal says so!

 

 

Once you've got your body guard (or team of body guards), you should get your plans together to make sure no one knows where you'll be at any given time. That means vary your routes, go low key (no motorcades, you flashy motherfucker) and switch up your daily routine just about every day...sure, it'll wreak havoc on your first dump of the day, but if you're a rich and powerful S.O.B. it'll keep you from getting rich guy-napped and held hostage.

Also, be smart...as in, don't be like George W. Bush, as in take all threats seriously. Even if you're 99.9999% positive it's your neighbor's son pranking your ass, still call the FBI. The little brat could use a little jail time anyways.

In summary, be smart and cautious and you should reduce your hostage situation factor by 85%. But if you DO get taken...

 

 

Stay Alive

This is the pretty much the whole point.  We're using it as a heading just as a friendly reminder as to what your priorities should be.  That is, if you were unable to prevent or avoid the situation, don't take any unnecessary risks.  Chances are, killing you is something your captor would rather not do, so don't give him any reason to.

There are a few overriding principles that'll help guide you through this ordeal.  The first is simply to remain calm.  If you start freaking out, your captor is going to start freaking out, and he's going to hurt someone.  Probably you.  But that's not the only reason to keep a level head, because every subsequent step you can take to prolong your safety is reliant on the supposition that you'll be able to recognize the severity of the situation and keep your bitch tears inside of your bitch tear-ducts.  If you can't control yourself, you might get shot in the face.  How's that for motivation?

Now then, the second principle you must adopt is constant vigilance.  Read the situation like it was one of the books you tell everyone you've read, except actually read it.  What's your captor's demeanor?  Does he seem panicked?  Depressed?  Calm?  Happy?  Manic?  Desperate?  How's he treating you?  Being able to identify and interpret the changes in your "host's" mood may be the difference between leaving on feet or wheels.  It's a patent case that happy people are less likely to murder hostages than desperate people, for example, but there's more to it than that.  You can use your captor's mood against him in as many ways as there are moods.  If he's frustrated with something, and you can help, you may be able to sidle a little closer to his trust, and a little farther from the business end of that shotgun.

Don't just pay attention to your kidnapper, though.  Take a look at your surroundings.  Do you know what building you're in?  If you had to run, would you know which exit to take?  Memorize their location in case you're left with less than ideal visibility caused by anything from a police imposed blackout to smoke.  If there are security measures in place, note them duly in the case that you may have to find a way to disengage them (locks) or disable them (cameras) to grease your escape (more on that later).

Everyone has moments of weakness.  Pick a vulnerable moment for your captor and insert yourself to make yourself seem useful.  It really doesn't matter what the situation is.  If he needs help, and it's not going to hurt you to help, and it's not going to free you to not help, then it can only help you to help.  Make sense?  It could be anything.  Maybe he's got dandruff and you can recommend a good shampoo.  Maybe he's got arthritic wrists and he's struggling to wipe his own ass.  Or maybe he's retarded and you know of a topical cream for that.  Literally any way you can help -- again, not in a way that solidifies your standing as a hostage -- is going to help you out of this crisis in one piece.  Your money is now worthless.  The only commodities you trade in are trust and respect, and they must be earned.  As much as you want to split wigs, you've got to subvert that for now and make him believe you really understand where he's coming from, you're both just people, and you've both been unjustly stripped in some way of the dignity you deserve.

Then, maybe, if that doesn't work, and if this next section is infeasible, you could get that opportunity to split wigs.

 

 

 

Escape 

As this, though, is in theory less physically dangerous than gunlessly splitting the wigs of the angry and gunsome, escape should be your earlier recourse.  Trying to escape from an armed hostage taker, though, should not be taken lightly just because it's not as brazen as trying to beat him up right in the middle of his big moment.  You have to take every precaution possible, and you have to pick the exact right moment to make your move.

If you've been as observant as we've been telling you to be, you should have a pretty good idea if escape is really even a legitimate option.  If you are being held by a chain over a lava pit, for instance, your task may prove difficult, however, in certain cases such feats of escape may be possible.  Say this mirrors your situation, and also your hostage situation was produced by George Lukas.  You may have a chance.  But to get back to the point, it's going to be much easier to find the "right time" to escape if you're being held in, say, an old schoolhouse with wooden doors than if you're being held in the warden's office of a fortified prison.  At any rate, you should be able to identify the moments when they present themselves.   To clarify, it's not going to benefit you to jump at a situation you just feel is right in the heat of a moment, so plan it out, get comfortable with your plan, and then wait for the right moment to execute that plan.  If you don't feel confident that your plan is likely to get you out arrive, you're better off waiting for help even if you've got a clearly unraveling gunman on your hands.  Still, a clearly unraveling gunman is the clearest sign possible that you should be actively looking for and thinking about an escape plan.  Just balance your risks.

 

 

 

FIGHT IT OUT

Okay dude...this is, let me say, LAST DITCH LAAAST DITCH effort. We are serious. Never attempt to fight with your kidnapper unless you're pretty sure he's gonna dead your ass. Why not? First off, hostage situations put people under great stress...and when you add guns to the mix, you get dead people. So if you were to attempt to actually fight your 'napper, even if it' someone you know...even if it's your mom or dad, dude...DON'T fight them because it will push them over the level. Also, most hostage situations (at least the ones in this country) end with the kidnapper either going to jail or being killed. Hold onto that fact. I am pretty sure that happens about 100% of the time.

So all that being said...if you're sure your nutty as fuck kidnapper is gonna kill you, you should know how to fight back. First off, go rent United 93 and take notes. Those guys were put to the friggin' brink and they fought back hard. (and please no 9/11 denying in the comments...you have your forum...on EVERY OTHER WEBSITE but this one).

So if you're gonna fight your captor, you're going to need mobility and some sort of weapon. Watch the first half of Under Siege (before he gets a gun) to get some pointers. Like, for instance, if you have  weird chemicals, a soda bottle and microwave nearby, get ready to do some damage. Either way, aim to do some damage and then cut and run because if you don't hurt your 'napper enough, he'll find you and he'll 'nap you back. Or worse. But let's not go there.

If you're tied up and don't have any weapon in sight, you're gonna have to try some crazy shit...so this better be a life or death situation. You could attempt a body slam or something, but if you're actually in that much of a "bind" and there's more than one 'napper, you're probably fucked.

Note:

If you have to find yourself in a hostage situation, find yourself in one here, in America. We have the least insane kidnappers here.