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Have
you ever needed the solid, dependable advice of Dear Abbey, but you
hate paying for the paper? Have you ever needed the counsel of a sage?
Have you wished to consult the Oracle of Delphi, but were concerned
that might make you the member of a cult? Well, we have a solution.
Welcome to Ask ThighMaster! Ask her anything you want, and she'll
answer.
If you'd like to remain anonymous, then just say so in the email and we will protect your identity. Thanks! |
| i am dating a girl who has a twin, i think i fucked her sis this weekend. What do i do now? Michael |
| Confront the twins about your confusion, and then offer to take pictures of them and put them on trading cards. Then you can brag about the girls youve slept with, and encourage your friends to take pictures of all the girls they've fucked, and have fun trading and collecting cards. |
| What is your opinion on China Doll from the Surreal Life 3? I think that she has always been a woman, my girlfriend on the other hand is dumb and she thinks that she was once a man with a bigger penis than me. Who is right? Does the winner have the right to beat the other senseless? Our house is divided, please help!! Boms4yoMoms from Miami, FL |
| OH MY GOD....I swear that i am troubled by that question daily....IS CHINA DOLL A MAN OR WOMAN? Honestly, i have searched online for information on her, but have come up with nothing! I guess she IS a woman...I agree with your girlfriend though....i think China doll used to be a man....Its not ok to beat her senseless, *only if she wants you to* |
| I would love to know how it is that you've arrived at such an inspirational level of worldly wisdom - Is there a qualification to be obtained in the delicate art of Thighmastery? If so, how and where? Jake |
| Well, other than years of general education at a private institution, I've been able to acquire such worldy knowledge through 'school of LIFE' and through many hours of watching Maury Povich. That show has really aided me in being able to understand the masses and has really helped me to reach out and touch people. I have mastered the art of Thighmastery at my local gym...where I study people in their natural habitat, and throw in a few squats to keep my thighs in shape.... |
| Ok so
say you had a pony named rainbow that hated popsicles right. A horse named Cesare that was a grease ball and a man that hated ponies and grease balls but loved popsicles, what kind of kangaroo would you buy? Ping Pong from Ball |
| I would buy the retired kangaroo from that Kids show with the flying ping pongs, "Captain Kangaroo". Then i would take the popsicle and shove it up Rainbow's ass... |
| Which would sex be better in… A pool filled with pop-corn butter, or a pool filled with pudding? If pudding what flavor (please don’t say tapioca as then you wouldn’t be able to feel the warts the bitch has) and why. General Beavis Chicago, IL |
| I think sex would be MUCH better in a pool filled with pudding. The pop corn butter would make you break out dirty style, *trust me i know*. The pudding would have to be DARK CHOCOLATE PUDDING...MMMMMMMMM! Great question! Im in the mood to go for a dip in the pudding pool.... |
| Why is the sky blue? Daniel from Indiana |
| The sky is blue because the strongest pigment in the sky is blue. The earth is 75% water/moisture. The sun picks up color through moisture and gives off blue because its in the rainbow with the popsicle up its butt......what the hell am i talking about? The sky is blue because its not Green! THERE! |
| Dear
Thighmaster, What are your feelings regarding the Prom Dress in post "Prom dress?", Wed. Jan 26? Do you think it is appropriate prom apparel? Would you ever wear a dress like that to a formal function, or audition to become a stripper? How do you think said-dress would look on you? Can we see pictures of you trying it on? umchaos |
| I think the Prom Dress in the post "Prom Dress" is funny because its just a girl wearing a dress backwards. I do not think its appropriate prom apparel. And i would NEVER wear a dress like that to a formal function. Maybe if i WAS auditioning to be a stripper, YES.....but i dont think the dress would look too good on me, Sequins are not my thing...In order for me to show you pictures of me trying on the dress, i would have to actually OWN one...so if youd like to send however much money it costs to the viking, we will gladly post one for you! |
| I’ve nicknamed my girlfriend “Dumptruck” because of her big ass. She says I can’t keep calling her that. Any suggestions? Eddie from Iowa |
| I suggest you stop calling her that if you want to continue enjoying intercourse with her...otherwise, she should leave you...OR have her suggest a nick name for you, like "peanut" or "tyke" or "is it in yet?" |
| Do the Eagles have any chance against the Pats? What should they do to win? Tom Brady from MA |
| Im not sure what they SHOULD do, but i want the Eagles to win. I believe they are the underdog team... |
| Yesterday my girlfriend was giving me oral when out of nowhere I felt a prick up my ass. I told her to get her damn finger out. Why do the girls think we like that? Jimmy from Atlanta, GA |
| I didnt think that guys like that...Dont assume that just because your girlfriend does it, every other girl does it too! Tell your woman to keep your poop shoot clear of any incoming objects...Are you sure it was her finger? |
| I’m in this really really bad relationship. My pet tricycle doesn’t listen to me anymore. I think he’s hitting puberty. Should I take the training wheels off, or is there some way I can make him prove to me that he’s becoming an adult. Lucy from Toronto |
| If youre already experiencing problems with controlling your pet tricycle, it means he/she is growing up! Try taking out the training wheels, and see what he/she can do for itself! You might be impressed with how much knowledge, experience, and wisdom your pet trikey has gained! Dont restrain it! Let it ride! |
| Explain this dream to me. I’m running, and running when out of nowhere a woman dressed as Uncle Sam kicks me in the crotch. She then undresses and shoves a pickle up her butt. I immediately wake up a sweaty mess. It’s so real. Javier from New Mexico |
| Using one of Freud's theories, I'd say you were in love with your mother, and secretly want her to touch you in your "no-no spot". Also, you are showing major signs of paranoia in that you are afraid that you will be drafted, and that you owe millions of dollars in taxes! The pickle represents your hunger for cock in a 'healthy' way. You like to keep track of all the things you put in your mouth, *or your moms butt for this matter*...I suggest waking up 10 minutes earlier than your normal wake up time, and try to Journal these dreams, and analyze them for yourself, or with the help of your mom whom im sure youre sleeping with anyway. |
| I’m a plumber, and well I fix a LOT of faucets. One of my favorite things to do is play the song “flock of seagulls” while I work. My co-workers think I’m a “fag” for liking that song. I think it’s the greatest 80’s song ever. What do you think? Tell me I’m right, and that I’m not a “fag”. Robert from NY, NY |
| You’re a fag |
| I have a fetish. Its to watch people limp. So as I’m sitting in the subway and someone passes me by, I kick them in the shin as hard as possible. To see them cringe and hop around on one leg is sooo frigging hot. Can I kick your shin? It would be the greatest moment of my life. Tyrone from Little Rock |
| No you may not kick my shin on a subway, you may not kick my shin on a high way, you may not kick my shin during a three way, you may not kick my shin at ALL! |
| Can you honestly say that you’ve never been teabagged? Sara |
| I first experienced being "teabagged" when i was 16. It was quite an experience. The guys nuts tasted like coffee and everything! Quite magical...My mouth was enjoying a 'cup o joe'...This is what i like waking up in the morning to |
| Do you find this as a compliment? I printed out your original photo and enlarged it. I then made a cut out mask w/ a rubber band. I then gave it to my wife. She wants to know who you are, but I won’t say. It’ll be our little secret, Thigh Master. Brian from New Jersey |
| sounds good to me |
| So I’m
driving in bumper to bumper traffic while listening to Hot 103 and
I come to the conclusion that I can be a rapper. Here’s a sample,
and please tell me what you think:
I hold my own against da Thigh Masta What do you think? Good, right? Reedickulii |
I agree that anyone could be a rapper....About your Sample...It sounds good, but i think im going to have to battle your little "rap"......AHEM here goes: The
feces you plasta'd on my face was delicious! |