Al Bundy loved touching his pink pendulum. Hell, who doesn't? The first thing I do when I get home is adjust the nut pack. But how well do I know my cherished twin friends? Not too well. And I'm guessing you don't really KNOW your partners either. Well, keep reading and enlightenment shall be yours.

This week’s Hi-5 looks at those female characters who simply refuse to give in to modern feminine pressure and establish themselves as gung-ho heroines: chicks who, for better or worse, simply serve as damsels in distress, to be rescued by some hero with big muscles and a sword. These ladies show us that mild sexism is not only entertaining, but occasionally pretty damn hot.

You’re a man and you’re proud of that fact. Time to eat like one. No salads here my friend. Fuck. That. Shit. If it doesn't swim, run or crawl, we don’t want it and won’t eat it. The meaner and uglier the better, too, and you win bonus points if your meal could have eaten you. Killing and cooking it yourself propels you to hero status. If it's green, it's garnish, and even that should be kept to a minimum.

Richard Belzer has Jerry Lewis' back, filmwad has an interview with Paul Giamatti, the bit players who make the movies you watch better and more Network News in today's... Network... News.  Shit.

The top 10 sports movie theme songs, a man sets his own house on fire to scare away burglars, every death in the Friday the 13th series back-to-back and more in today's links.

Jessica Simpson pokies, Kate Beckinsale looking hot, more celebrity cleavage, college chicks are fun and much more!

Emmanuelle Vaugier is a Canadian bombshell that has been all over our television sets and well we aren't complaining. Enjoy Emmanuelle Vaugier.

Thus far, I've been able to solve -- only in theory, until the powers that be catch on -- the AIDS pandemic and the troubled education system.  This week, I turn my mastery to the task of finding a solution for the rampant overcrowding in our prison system.  I believe you'll find it both entertaining and practical.

You're probably thinking, Yeah fucking right. There's no way something like this exists. Brother, trust me, I wish I was making this up. You can thank Dmitry Bulawinov of Russia for this. The official name for this sporting event is called, "Bubble Baba Challenge."

Summer is dwindling to an end. No more summer means no more summer parties which means, inevitably, no more fun water fights. Sure, the water fight may seem like a pretty weak fight, but they can get intense and there are some surefire ways to obtain victory... but you'll have to guide your mind into Attack Mode!

Colbert's cast fetches a pretty penny for charity, the TRON guy is making his first movie in 18 years, scientists are worried about a new thought-controlled gaming interface and more in today's network news.

Some of the world's largest and some of the world's smallest, using a cat to untangle your headphones, a man buys a house only to discover 100 fake legs beneath the floorboards and more in today's links.

Keira Knightley trying to look hot in an ugly outfit, Pamela Anderson in a bikini never gets old, Natalie Portman nude, blast from the past - Lacey Chabert and much more!

And says so during his telethons.

 

Check out the new R-rated trailer for the motion-capture extravaganza Beowulf.  It's like an ultra violent cartoon + nudity, and it's not even Japanese.

Keeley Hazell is back and looking just as hot as ever. So spread the word my brothers, "The Keeley Hazell drought is over! The Keeley's Boobies drought is over!"

There are two kinds of men in this world:  men with glorious facial hair, and men who haven't yet applied the principles of this article.  Avoid bad facial hair habits -- and the dreaded vaginaface -- and take your beard and mustache to the limit.  It's time to man up your facial hair.

Hudson Hawk is quite the oddity: as a film deeply despised at the time of its release, one might think it a generally awful movie with no redeeming qualities. However, time and sufficiently altered expectations make the film much easier to appreciate and enjoy in this day and age – yet even so, many aspects of it still suck really, really, really hard. Is it a clever satire of dumb, modern action films? Or is it just a dumb, modern action film? Or is it both? Whatever the hell Hudson Hawk truly is, one thing is for certain: real men aren’t quite sure how to feel about it.

Filmwad interviews Monica Bellucci, Jerry Lewis uses a gay slur during his MS telethon, Bond 22 takes steps to catch up with Bourne and more in today's Network News.

These news anchors for some local TV crap show should get fired.