Ditch your girlfriend's cats, set her canaries free, grab a notepad, sit down and get ready. Your pets are not your companions. They are not your best friends. They don't want your love. The only reason you should have pets is for competition. This is something men all the way back to Thomas Jefferson (who had a mule fighting ring) knew. Michael Vick jokes aside, it's time to MAN UP your pets.

Whoever is the marketing genius over at JBS needs a raise...and a Nobel Prize.

A couple more remakes are in the works (including Total Recall), Wolverine will probably start shooting in November, MTV may have been hoping for Britney's failure to generate buzz and more in today's Network News.

* Tron 2.0 is definitely going into production (filmwad)

* They're remaking The Stepfather.  Locke had better be in it (filmwad)

* A Total Recall remake?  Is that redundant, or just appropriate? (filmwad)

* Wolverine to start shooting this November... tentatively (filmwad)

* Was MTV hoping Spears would bomb for the buzz it'd bring? (tubewad) 

* Springer's bodyguard gets his own talk show (tubewad) 

* "Don't Be This Guy" (doublevixen) 

The 10 greatest fatty moments on video, a classic apology, a car-thief caught in the act of "just borrowing" a police-monitored car and more in today's links. 

 

* Woman steals a car with a hidden camera inside, and takes her kids along for the ride (video)

* The 10 greatest fat person moments ever caught on tape (video)

* "These anti-piracy ads are getting really mean." (video)

* Guy Ritchie is getting plugged by Madonna.  Not really a big surprise, I guess. (news) 

* Usually when you take one for the team, the "one" is not a "kick to the balls by a professional ball-kicker." (video)

* It's official:  nude carpentry is not a crime. (news) 

* The proper way to apologize for calling a girl a slut because she poured water on you. (video)

* 10 pictures that capture just the right moment (list of pics) 

* Make a mess and annoy everyone within shouting distance with your asinine behavior and the help of the crap machine (crap machine)

* Meat-stuffed bread (pics) 

We don't normally run music videos from bands we never heard of, but the fact that they intercut their footage with Safe For Work clips from classic pornos makes us laugh. But now that they've done this idea, no one can do it ever again. I don't wanna see any memes, people!

Here's what the ladies of Designing Women think of all our cat calling and hilarious "No Fat Chicks" t shirts. Oh, you silly bitches!

The girls from DOA are hot (don't forget about the contest - look up), lots of breasts, and Paris Hilton deserves an award. 

 

The girls of DOA: Dead or Alive

Smoking Hot Waitress' Ms. September 2007

Jennifer Ellison’s Breasts Could Use An Extra Hand

Danielle Lloyd in Maxim UK

The Hot Elisha Cuthbert Is Back

Christina Aguilera is Officially Pregnant, says Paris Hilton

It's ELO's "Here's The News," the awesome single off an album none of the band wanted to make. The video features shots of the guys talking, playing keyboard and sitting at desks. What an inspired video for a song off a concept album about a time traveler.

Because society's rules are BS and aren't usually applicable to the situations the average man finds himself in on a daily basis, we hope this short, incomplete guide to public bathroom etiquette might be useful to the modern man in dealing with the semen, urine, and sexual advances he faces everyday.

Imogen Thomas is a Welsh beauty that's famous for not only being hot, but having a sex tape and being "controversial" on UK's Big Brother. Enjoy Imogen Thomas.

450 billion dollars and counting:  that's how much the war in Iraq is costing our country. The worst part is that our soldiers aren't seeing any added benefits from all that money. Oh, and let's not forget about the nearly 4,000 casualties since the war began in March of 2003. Here are five things we should be spending our money on:  five things our soldiers should have but don't.

An update on our DVD a Day contest!

Indiana Jones and the _______... now there's an answer.  Also, there's a new Rambo trailer, Viacom is starting to get its show online like everyone should have already done and more.

* Coogan and Keener to star in Hamlet 2... stole my title idea (filmwad)

* Indy 4 has an official title (filmwad)

* John Rambo trailer (filmwad)

* Viacom to put The Daily Show, The Sarah Silverman Show online for free viewing (tubewad)

* Kid Rock backhands Tommy Lee (tubewad) 

* Oh man, it's actually happening... PLANT TYCOON is coming to your PC.  That's right, virtual gardening.  How about some actual gardening? (gamewad) 

* Albatross13 continues to bend genres (it's fantasy role-playing golf) with Season 3 (gamewad)

Explosions galore, a woman who can't stop using animal-related innuendo, the top 10 celebrity nipple slips and more in today's links.

  

* John Kirby kills it by accusing a craigslist user who wants someone to "eat the kitty" of animal abuse. (funny)

* Top 10 celebrity nipple slips (videos)

* The 25 top selling video games of all time (list) 

* Absurdly fast tetris playing (video)

* The AK-47 guitar... amazing (pics) 

* Just a bunch of homemade explosions (video)

* Burglar loses his clothes in a fight with his would-be victims (news)

* I may never understand Japan, but I will always love it (video)

* Interesting sex stats that you may have already suspected were true (list) 

* Want to punch a shark?  Here's the list of the most shark-infested beaches (list)

Today's links are heavy on the MTV VMAs, heavy on the boobies, and heavy on the hotness.

  

*  Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Are Hard Not To Write About

* Kate Moss is Topless Once Again (NSFW)

* 2007 MTV Video Music Awards

* I am - Britney Spears Comeback Performance of the Day (NSFW ads)

* Alicia Keys @ 2007 MTV Video Music Awards

* Maxim's "Girls on FILM"

Check out this most recent Iron Man trailer.  I can't wait... and yet, I have to wait.  So I guess I can wait.

Your condom might be ribbed for her pleasure. But about YOUR pleasure? What about YOUR fun? Why does the rubber cylinder you wear over your wang while doing it have to be made to HER specifications? Well, truth be told, it doesn't. And there are a lot of choices out there, so it's time to stop settling for the Durex purple box...let's find you a new brand of condoms, Man Tech style. And no, that's not necessarily gay. NECESSARILY.

Hey all. This ManCast is one week old. Can you spot the dated reference?

 

Tobey Maguire is bringing Robotech to theatres, Apple is trying to cut the cost of downloading TV shows in half, what food mascots tell us about our lives and much more in this edition of Network News.