Merchandise spoilers are the worst of all spoilers.
If, say, a trailer for Batman v Superman features the reveal of Doomsday, that sucks, because it takes all the fun out of the movie’s final act. You go into the movie with an already pretty good idea of what’s going to go down.
At least you still get to see the character revealed in full CGI glory, though, right?
Perhaps this is a bad example, but the argument remains the same: as sucky as trailer spoilers are, it’s better than learning about a key character from a chunk of ugly plastic.
If you don’t want to know more about an upcoming movie starring Gal Gadot and Chris Pine, now might be a good time to stop reading.
Okay, ready for spoilers?
Ares is in Wonder Woman.
Big shock, huh? Considering that the movie seems to be aiming for a New 52 continuity which ties Ares firmly into Diana’s creation myth.
The fact that DC’s been keeping this out of the trailers, though, suggests that Ares will appear late in the game, in, let’s face it, a probably very Doomsday-esque role, providing an eleventh hour villain that provides Wonder Woman with a genuine threat, rather than just a woman in a mask, and the worse version of Colonel Stryker.
At least the studio has learned its lesson since last time and decided to keep Ares out of promotional materials.
It’s a shame the same can’t be said of the toy ranges—our first glimpse of action figures for the upcoming film has revealed that Ares has some role in the movie. We assume so, at least, as it’d be a bit weird to build an action figure for him it he’s not actually in the film.
Great Hera!!! The official Wonder Woman movie action figure is here pic.twitter.com/jM6E29Me7L— Anna Gene Ommen (@AnnaOmmen) February 2, 2017
(Also, apparently Wonder Woman is played by Steve Buscemi, which is some brave casting.)
There are no solid pictures of what the Ares action figure looks like yet, because, just to add insult to injury, this is one of the most hated deals in kid’s toys. Each individual Wonder Woman action figure comes with a part of Ares, meaning that you’ll only be able to assemble the full toy if you buy the entire range.
Or, as is more likely, kids will get the Wonder Woman figure, but won’t want Chris Pine’s figure, because he’s lame and dumb. As such, they’ll have a Diana Prince toy, and 1/5 of the movie’s villain.
Great Hera!!! The official Wonder Woman movie action figure are here! pic.twitter.com/TZlvxrDf3P— Anna Gene Ommen (@AnnaOmmen) February 2, 2017
“Take that, Ares’ right foot! Bah! Your kicking powers are too strong for me!”
Or hey, maybe that’s the point.
Maybe Ares gets blown up at some point, and Wonder Woman literally spends the rest of the movie fighting a disembodied leg?
Surely it can’t be any worse than Doomsday in BvS.