Action figures sure have come a long way over the past few decades.
What was once a generic, lumpy piece of plastic with some rudimentary paint and a single flimsy, easily swallowed accessory, has now transformed into a posable photorealistic statue that, in all fairness, looks a little more impressive than actual stills from a movie trailer.
Of course, we’re talking about high end action figures here, not just the run of the mill cheap stuff that parents buy to shut their kids up. That stuff stays as ugly and imprecise as ever. But as a generation of manchildren have reached the point in their lives where they have disposable income, a fondness for nostalgia, and a disappointing lack of financial common sense, toys have evolved to keep up with their growing potential budget.
For those who want really detailed articulated toys with which to pretend they’re eight years old again (and thereby escape the crushing burden of fiscal responsibility in more than one way), Marvel has unveiled a range of toys based on The Defenders and Guardians of the Galaxy, a pair of live action super groups that are unlikely to ever meet in person, outside of what goes on within your very grown-up toybox.
If you needed any assurance that these toys are designed for adults (while being distinct from the category typically referred to as adult toys, so don’t get any ideas) look no further than the Daredevil range—if anyone who hasn’t hit puberty recognizes Jessica Jones, it’s safe to say that their childhood is somewhat warped.
For those of us who don’t play with these kinds of toys (not because we’re in any way more emotionally mature than the manchildren, but because all our spare cash goes to buying toys for our own younger offspring), there’s also some fun things we can learn from these figures.
For example, here’s the best look we’ve had yet at Mantis, and her costume design. Snazzy.
Meanwhile, here’s a look at Kurt Russell’s Ego the Living Planet – or, at least, the fleshy adult toy that he’s created for himself in order to bang Star Lord’s mom with maximum efficiency.
Let’s be honest, these toys are pretty cool, and it’s awesome to get an up-close look at the characters from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 that Marvel have very deliberately been avoiding showing us in any great detail.
So if you’re into toys, please excuse my gentle ribbing. I'm just bitter.
And if, like me, you’ve long since given up on any plastic action figure that doesn’t sing Let It Go when you press its back, at least you’ve had a chance to look at a facsimile of Kurt Russell.
Enjoy the toys, guys. Manchildhood is fun while it lasts.