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Marvel Phase 3 Video Shows Off Upcoming Movies While Being Really Smug About Everything

It’s strange that this needs to be said, but clearly we all need a reminder.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is not a religion.

It is a collection of toy commercials that just so happen to feature entertaining narratives.

As much as Marvel fans, and movie fans in general, may want to put these movies onto a large, ornate pedestal, holding them up as a triumph of modern storytelling, the MCU is ultimately just another product of Disney’s unending quest to own all the money in the universe.

Of course, it’s hard to remain grounded when thinking about Marvel Studios, especially when sneak peek movies like this come along.

That swelling orchestral music? The hyperbolic language and tantalizing teases of future movies? These are all designed to drive hype to the level that we stop thinking of Infinity War as a movie release, and start thinking of it as the Nerdy Second Coming.

We’ve already had the Nerdy Second Coming, by the way. It happened in 1999, starred Jake Lloyd, and was terrible.

Some parts of this new video had already found their way online over the past few weeks, but it’s only now that we can see just how far the employees of Marvel Studios have crawled up their own backsides. They’ve climbed far beyond the outer sphincter and are settling down to make camp for the night, somewhere around the gullet. It’ll just be a few more months of self-aggrandizing smugness before Kevin Feige manages to do the impossible, and travel so far up his own butt that he bursts out of his own mouth, creating a tear in the fabric of reality in the process.

Everyone at Marvel is incredibly pleased with the MCU, to the point that it’s now a little sickening. The studio heads are clearly all convinced that they can do no wrong, and are retroactively claiming that every step of Phase One Through Three were meticulously planned in advance, despite that clearly not being the case.

Not that Marvel didn’t have a plan, of course, But they certainly didn’t have things as carefully organized as they’d like to admit. The studio deliberately downplays certain movies (Iron Man 2), poor casting choices (if only because Edward Norton got sick of the role) and characters that just aren’t as much fun as the studio likes to pretend.

The worst offender here is Thanos. We all know the character’s name, not because he’s been in any way developed or fleshed out over his three existing movie appearances, but because we’ve had him jammed down our throats in repeated frustrating teases.

To claim, then, that the character’s presence in Infinity War is actually exciting to viewers, doesn’t entirely hold water. A desperation among audiences to see more of Thanos is more borne from frustration than genuine love of the character.

Ultimately, for all that Marvel is treating Infinity War like the Greatest Movie Ever, fans should be ready and prepared to be disappointed.

Not because the movie will necessarily be bad, but because Marvel is building so much hype around this movie that there’s no way it can live up to everybody’s expectations.

Not unless each movie ticket comes bundled with a working Iron Man suit, at least.

Matthew loffhagen

Matthew Loffhagen

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