Ah, The Inhumans.
The Marvel movie that nobody wants to do.
No, wait, now it’s an ABC show.
That’ll also, somehow, be in IMAX.
It’s almost as if Marvel, generally the poster child for carefully planned moviemaking, has left this project under the control of a six year old child with ADHD.
Or, more correctly, it’s as if Marvel’s resident troll Ike Perlmutter wants to bury the X-Men franchise, and has been championing this as a pet project that nobody else wants to touch, so he’s having to slot it in where he has the most influence.
Vindictive nastiness isn’t generally the best basis for either a big budget movie or a TV show with silver screen aspirations, but we’re getting The Inhumans regardless. Let’s all try and muster up some enthusiasm.
Despite everyone at Marvel that’s been assigned to work on The Inhumans desperately wishing they could make a Spider-Man movie instead, work is progressing on this project, albeit incredibly slowly.
The main challenge that the team have is finding a replacement for Vin Diesel, who was originally the sole star attached to the Inhumans movie, but who’s not exactly keen on slumming it on television when he could be making more unwanted xXx sequels.
So what actor that’s currently working in television will be a good choice to fill the shoes of the mighty (if a bit wooden) Vin Diesel? Who could possibly live up to his monotone charm, and his notoriety as Hollywood’s discount Dwayne Johnson?
Screw it, anybody will do. Might as well get that sausage guy from Game of Thrones.
Iwan Rheon is best known as Ramsay Bolton from HBO’s adaptation of George RR Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, although fans of the BBC sitcom Vicious will remember him as Ash, in which he always seems unabashedly pleased to be sharing the screen with Sir Ian McKellen. Well, wouldn’t you?
Considering that Iwan Rheon isn’t, let’s face it, particularly in demand in Hollywood at this present time, it’s worth assuming that the actor came pretty cheap. If Vin Diesel is Hollywood’s go-to “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Dwayne Johnson”, then Iwan Rheon is the nasty looking 15¢ tub of margarine on the bottom shelf of the grocery store that’s probably made with ground up lumps of pig fat.
That may seem harsh, but considering that Ike Perlmutter’s initial aim was probably to get The Rock to play Black Bolt in his Inhumans movie, settling for Ramsay Bolton instead is probably a bit of a disappointment.
It has to be assumed that Inhumans has an incredibly tiny budget—which, of course, is unfortunate considering that Perlmutter wants this to be an IMAX release.
The bigger the screen, the more the limits of this show will be laid bare for audiences to roll their eyes at. If you’re considering going to see Inhumans in theaters when it debuts, you might want to reconsider your plans.