Okay, everyone, joke’s over.
Hating on Suicide Squad was fun, but we’ve all gone a bit too far. We got caught up in the moment, and said some mean things about the movie’s complete lack of pacing and coherent storytelling.
Maybe it was funny to critique this movie by pointing out its flaws, but things have gotten out of hand.
We’ve hurt David Ayer’s feelings.
This poor, beleaguered director poured his heart and soul into making his little supervillain movie. He worked at it for years, doing the absolute best job that he could possibly do, and what do we do?
We point out its flaws. We measure it up against other movies in the same genre and note its many structural weaknesses. We suggest that maybe a better movie could have been made if things had been done differently.
What monsters we are.
Our persistent demand for actually enjoyable entertainment has damaged David Ayer’s self esteem, and that is not okay. How dare we voice our opinions about how horrendously broken and unenjoyable his movie is? That’s just plain mean.
In a recent Twitter post in which David Ayer completely ignores the 140 character limit (presumably because a truncated version of his post would have read like it was written by the US President), the director attempted to describe the sadness that overwhelms his being when he reads a negative review of his comic book masterpiece:
“Nothing hurts more than to pick up a newspaper and see a couple years of your blood, sweat and tears ripped to shreds. The hate game is strong out there.”
Feeling bad yet? Because if you’ve ever done anything other than lick David Ayer’s boots with your opinion of Suicide Squad, you’re in part responsible for hurting this delicate flower’s feelings.
After all, as Ayer goes on to point out, he’s “a High School dropout and used to paint houses for a living”. Making fun of his movie is like pointing out the flaws in a macaroni Christmas ornament that was made by a four year old.
What has Ayer done to deserve the harsh truths that we’ve been heaping upon him? What element of his behavior could possibly make us think we ought to bother him with uncomfortably accurate reviews of his movie?
Well, there was that one thing he said during the movie’s premiere.
Suddenly, the comparison between Ayer and a preschooler feels more apt than ever.
The director of Suicide Squad is happy to dish out empty insults, but the moment his work ends up being critiqued, he goes quiet and starts accusing the other kids of being mean to him.
“Wish I had a time machine”, Ayer continues in his little retrospective, “I’d make the Joker the main villain and engineer a more grounded story”.
Sure, “engineer a more grounded story” seems like a logical idea after the fact. But let’s not jump to instantly pointing out that making a relatable movie should have been obvious—after all, we don’t want to bruise Ayer’s fragile ego any more.
Perhaps, though, if we could suggest one way that you could improve Gotham City Sirens, David Ayer, it’s that you might want to spend more than six weeks writing the script this time around.
Perhaps your movie wouldn’t have turned out quite so badly if you hadn’t gone along with DC’s ridiculous timetable, rushed the entire movie, and then needed to reshoot half of it because you’d over-enthusiastically blasted through your initial filming period without any regard for logical storytelling.
Maybe making “a more grounded story” would have occurred to you if you hadn’t been rushing to create a cash-grab superhero movie, all the while envying Marvel their success.
All in all, David, you got exactly the movie—and the critical response—that you deserve. Your movie proved to be the quick buck DC wanted, and you got paid for your trouble.
If you want people to go easier on your next movie, maybe try not to produce quite such a cynical cash grab.
And do yourself a big favor—don’t yell obscenities at Marvel any more. Try watching one of their movies and seeing what tight narratives can actually look like in superhero films. It’d be a far better use of your time.