Damnit, Ben Affleck, where’s The Batman already?!
You’ve had, like, fifteen minutes to write the script, shoot the entire movie, edit it, and cram in some special effects! Why is it not finished yet?!
Were you napping? Did you decide to take a vacation, solely because you hate your fans?!
We want this movie and we want it now! We also want it to be completely perfect in every single way, and we intend to tear to shreds any single element of the film that doesn’t perfectly fit with our overly optimistic vision of what the movie should be?!
(Okay, now take a breath for a second before you keep reading.)
Meanwhile, as chaos rains down around him, Ben Affleck has one, quiet, polite request.
As it turns out (although this is hardly a surprise), Affleck isn’t just single-handedly fighting off both Warner Brothers and the entire wing of soulless troll people that call themselves studio executives.
He’s also having to deal with fans that Warner Bros’ CEO has described as “rabid”, hounding the would-be director of The Batman at every turn.
Affleck took the cathartic opportunity to vent his frustration to well known celebrity psychiatrist Jimmy Kimmel, explaining just how difficult it is to get any work done when his so-called “fans” are impeding him every step of the way with their insane demands for him to finish a movie that will take years to get right.
“It’s one of those things that’s really frustrating — with Live by Night, it took me a year and a half to write it and get it ready and I worked really hard, and nobody gave a sh–. No one was like, ‘Where’s Live by Night?!’ But with Batman I keep on getting, ‘Where’s the f—ing Batman?!’ and I’m like, ‘I’m working! Can you give me a second?!”
So no matter what happens with The Batman, bear in mind that any of its shortcomings are your own fault.
If The Batman ends up getting rushed because Warner Bros has misinterpreted the need to get it out the door as quickly as possible to appease fan demand, that’s your fault.
Alternatively, if the movie ends up stuck in development hell for a decade before it finally makes it to theaters, it’s because you slowed Ben Affleck down with your inane pestering.
Alternatively, if you’re just sat minding your own business without making too much noise, it’s your fault too.
It’s all your fault, everything is your fault. Maybe if you cared more about The Batman, the finished movie would be here by now.
Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.