Do you like Michael Fassbender?
No? Well tough! You’re getting lots of him! Lots, lots more!
In addition to appearing in the upcoming Assassin’s Creed movie, and of course, his continued relevance in the X-Men franchise (whether or not it’s all about to self-implode under the weight of so much convoluted continuity), the angry Irishman that is Michael Fassbender will continue to have a major role in the Alien franchise.
Or, make that, major roles, plural.
For some incomprehensible reason, Ridley Scott is still inexplicably excited about continuing the fine work he did on Prometheus, despite the fact that precisely zero people enjoyed that movie.
If the Everything Wrong With critique of your film is objectively more entertaining than your actual movie, it might not be worth trying for a sequel...
In spite of this, Scott is ploughing ahead with Alien: Covenant, a movie in which a team of astronauts, assisted by a robotic Michael Fassbender, land on an alien world and uncover ancient horrors relating to the Xenomorphs.
If that sounds familiar, it’s because Alien Covenant follows exactly the same plot as Prometheus.
If anything, Scott is deliberately and purposefully rubbing his uninspired sequel in fans’ noses, by bringing back Fassbender’s character, the android David, for another round.
It seems that it’s his intention to make a movie where, if you didn’t see the opening title, you would’t know whether you’re watching Prometheus or Covenant.
But that’s not all – Scott is doubling down on Fassbender, by giving him not one, but two key roles to play in Covenant. In addition to reprising his role as the inexplicably evil David, Fassbender will also play the android Walter.
Supposedly, by this point Fassbender is the only noteworthy actor willing to play a part in Scott’s constant perversion of the Alien brand, so the director is getting as much out of him as possible.
It remains to be seen whether Walter will follow in the footsteps of David by coldly, rationally, and without explanation, engineering the deaths of several humans on Covenant, the spaceship at the center of the movie.
Odds are, though, that he’ll probably turn out to be more of an Ash than a Bishop. Ridley Scott seems to prefer murderous robots to friendly ones.
In addition to news of Fassbender’s double roles, a series of photos has leaked from the set of the movie that shows off some of the fun new varieties of xenomorphs we’ll be seeing in the new film.
The good news is that they’re every bit as Freudian as everything that’s come before in the series.
De todas as imagens vazadas de Alien Covenant, essa sem dúvidas é mais peculiar de todas. pic.twitter.com/rr9Y6hwdGz— Wilker Medeiros (@willtage) October 28, 2016
Is that image not safe for work? Probably. Heads up in retrospect.
So, if you’re at the crossing point of the Venn diagram of people who enjoy Michael Fassbender, and people who get turned on by disturbing alien horrors that look like genitalia, Alien: Covenant looks like it’s going to be the movie for you.
If, on the other hand, you enjoy good storytelling, the verdict is still out at present.
There’s nothing wrong with waiting for Netflix.