Seriously, Marvel. Stop trying to make the Inhumans happen. They’re not going to happen.
Earlier this year, Marvel Studios made the wise decision to cancel its movie about the Inhumans, a group of D-list superheroes who live on the moon.
Sure, Guardians of the Galaxy proved that moviegoers are willing to put up with a lot of weird stuff, but a woman with magic hair really is pushing the envelope a bit too far.
Now, though, it seems that the Inhumans are back on Marvel’s agenda, albeit on the smaller screen that the studio doesn’t really care about.
This isn’t going to be a “let’s see how much we can get away with” Netflix-style affair where the studio teases us with sideboobs and swearing—instead, it’ll be an ABC show, which traditionally has had a “let’s see how much money we can waste” attitude.
Seriously, the first season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., the entire team took a vacation to Hong Kong at one point just for fun. Why else did you think Tahiti featured so prominently in Phil Coulson’s backstory?
Apparently, Inhumans won’t tie in with the totally-not-mutant characters from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.—instead, we’ll get a show about the Inhuman Royal Family, including a king who can never open his mouth, and a really big dog.
At least the show will save money on not having to write dialogue for two of its main characters. Such a shame that it’ll then blow its budget by filming on the moon (unless someone can get in touch with Buzz Aldrin, who probably knows a good soundstage that would do the job instead).
In typical ABC fashion, the show is going to be big. Really, inexplicably expensively big.
Studios don’t typically film TV shows on IMAX. That’s not a smart move by any stretch of the imagination. Nevertheless, the first two episodes of the show will be shown to audiences in this large screen format.
Apparently we are getting an Inhumans movie after all, except it’s an overblown TV movie that probably won’t feature Vin Diesel.
Here’s hoping the Russo Brothers decide to have Thanos blow up the moon in Infinity War, just so that yet another ABC show finds itself completely without a premise after a single season.
In the meantime, feel free to add Inhumans to the list of Marvel shows you’re not currently watching, including Agent Carter (which ABC cancelled), Marvel’s Most Wanted (which was so bad ABC didn’t let it get past the pilot), and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (which is inexplicably still on the air, even though nobody watches it).
It’s totally okay to completely ignore this new series. After all, Kevin Feige’s going to be ignoring it as well.