Well, this is embarrassing.
Yesterday, the internet was abuzz with rumors that we’d be getting Sly Stallone and Sharon Stone in minor roles as Elders of the Universe in the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2.
Plenty of very respected sources reported on these rumors, wondering whether fans would get The Specialist reunion that we all deserve.
Apparently, that’s not going to happen.
James Gunn has publicly announced that these rumors are completely false. The director of Guardians and its sequel was pretty emphatic.
Where do you guys get this nonsense? Who are all the people running around giving fake inside scoops to journalists? https://t.co/9abS5jGYcP— James Gunn (@JamesGunn) October 5, 2016
Well, James, we’ll be honest with you. Sometimes fans are so eager for movie news that we’ll debate any random theory that crops up on the internet.
It’s not a healthy way to live, but it certainly is more fun.
So, that being the case, let’s make up some brand new rumors, straight from Double Viking’s very own “inside source” who “wishes to remain nameless” (because he doesn’t exist).
According to this mystery man, Guardians of the Galaxy 2 will end with an air guitar battle between Star Lord and Howard the Duck.
Hmm. That’s not ridiculous enough. James Gunn might actually have put that in the script. We can try better.
Our source also stated that Peter Quill's mother became pregnant with the child of Ego The Living Planet after watching John Carpenter’s The Thing, which in the MCU is a found-footage documentary of events that actually took place.
Nope, again, that’s still vaguely believable. What else can we come up with?
Guardians of the Galaxy 2 will feature a brief cameo from Jar Jar Binks, who will have an extended dance sequence where he tries to seduce Gamora.
No, that doesn’t work either. A tiny part of the Marvel fandom might still actually believe this one.
Okay, we have a problem with making up unbelievable rumors for Guardians 2.
Considering how wacky and bizarre the first movie was, and considering that Marvel has given James Gunn free reign to basically do whatever he likes, there are no bizarre rumors that can be spread about this movie that don’t sound at least vaguely plausible.
Oh! Here we go! The postcredits scene for Guardians 2 will set up a Black Widow solo movie.
Perfect! The ultimate rumor that absolutely nobody will believe!