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Captain Franchise, aka Vin Diesel, is Back in 'XXX: The Return of Xander Cage'

 

I cannot even begin to comprehend the things happening in this new trailer for XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. The sheer number of absolutely implausible stunts Vin Diesel and company are performing in this trailer don't just defy the laws of physics, they defy common sense. In a little over a minute, he skis through the forest, grinds a vehicle moving at highway speeds on a skateboard, and then rides a motorbike across the ocean. Quite simply, it's exactly what you want from a Vin Diesel movie. 

This first trailer for the franchise reboot comes replete with "wock-a-chook-a" music and the most head shaking action setpieces this side of a SyFy original movie. If I'm being honest, it's pretty much a perfect movie trailer. I don't want Vin Diesel to be confined to the realm of earthly physics. I want him to ride a dragon into the bad guy's fortress, wearing ice skates, and then he and the dragon do a perfect triple lutz before making the bad guy explode with their minds. This is everything we've ever wanted from Vin Diesel and more. 

Look, no one paying their hard earned money to see this film has time for plot or character development. I could give a shit less what he's after or what he's trying to do, so long as there's some completely asinine action sequence every few minutes. This hits the sweet spot and then some. The only worry I have is that it's being released in January, famously a graveyard of terrible films. However, this might actually reverse the curse, and the fact that it's gonna do so on a motorbike under water is even better. Bring this fucking movie on!


Steve attanasie

Steve Attanasie

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