<< Go Back

Advertisement

Someone Get These Five Pitches for 'Star Wars' Anthology Films to Lucasfilm, Stat!

null

Now that we've gotten our first good look at Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, I would like to offer up these five pitches to Lucasfilm for future anthology films. One of the big problems with the anthology films that are not Rogue One is that they're origin films based around existing characters. I'm going the Rogue One route with these pitches, however, that don't necessarily involve major characters from the original trilogy. You may have these pitches for free, provided they are seen by someone at Lucasfilm...

 

One Night in Mos Eisley

null

Spend the night with the most outrageous aliens in the galaxy in everyone's favorite wretched hive of scum and villainy. Watch as Wuher the bartender attempts to keep law and order in his cantina, which proves to be easier said than done with all these monsters hanging around. Set during the events of The Empire Strikes Back, keep your eyes peeled for a Boba Fett cameo, as Fett comes into the cantina to sit where Solo sat as he attempts to get inside the head of a smuggler. 

 

The Salacious Adventures of S. Crumb

null

Follow everyone's favorite Kowakian Monkey-Lizard (I shit you not) as he gets an origin story worthy of his fourteen minutes of screen time in Return of the Jedi. See how he escaped an abusive home life where everyone told him he'd never amount to anything, and went on to become Jabba the Hutt's court jester, a position he held for over a dozen years. Watch as he tries in vain to raise enough money to save his little sister who's dying of space cancer or whatever. See how he became a registered sex offender in twelve different systems. It will tug at your heart strings and hit your funny bone!

 

The Legend of Porkins' Gold

null

Jek Porkins was more than just the portliest member of the Rebels' attack on the first death star. He was also an avid treasure hunter, who spent most of his pre-Rebellion days keeping his stash of gold hidden from the eyes of others. A casual word to Wedge Antilles about his gold before his untimely death sends the surviving hero pilot on a quest to track down Porkins' gold. Matters are complicated when Schmek Porkins, the deceased's twin brother, is also on the trail of the gold. Who will get there first?

 

Bib's Fortuna

null

This one is basically Arsenic and Old Lace, only instead of murderous old ladies, it's just a bunch of Bib Fortunas living in a nice old house killing traveling salesman. We haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but that's a hell of a title, isn't it?

 

Boyz n tha Willrow Hood

null

This gritty films shows the seamy underbelly of Cloud City, and how a crop of young street toughs take to idolizing Willrow Hood. You see, Willrow Hood wasn't just any old guy running around when Vader and his men attempt to overtake the city. He was a straight gangsta, son. He's OG. Him and Ice Cube lay down a couple of tracks, they drink 40 liquor til the sun comes up, and they try to stay one step ahead of the Lobot, who's always seeking to keep a good man down. I, Lobot by the way is a bonus pitch. Just got a title for it, nothing else.


Steve attanasie

Steve Attanasie

Tagged in: , , , , , , , , , ,

Categories: ,

Advertisement

around
comments