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5 Ways to Get a Girl's Attention at a House Party

It's much better to trash someone else's place, instead of frantically running around and insisting that your guests use coasters so they don't leave rings on your mother's coffee table or checking every five minutes to make sure that your pal Todd doesn't pee in the sink again.

Everyone knows the purpose of a house party: to get girls drunk in an environment that's more comfortable than a bar or club. Clubs just don't give you the opportunity to say things like, “What's that? Oh, yeah, there's a hot tub out back. Oh, you didn't bring a bathing suit? Well, whatever. Here, have another drink.”

If you've ever thrown one with your buddies, you know this to be true. Unfortunately, every other guy knows this too, so in order to get the attention of that one special girl you know is going to be there, you're going to have to step up your game. The following are five sure-fire ways to catch her eye, and possibly her venereal diseases. Fingers crossed, boys.

Don't Spend All of Your Time in One Place

If you're one of those guys who goes to a party and immediately finds “his spot” and posts up there for the rest of the evening, it's time to stop. It's especially easy to fall into the trap of sitting in the same place all night if you're friends with the person throwing the party and go over to their house all the time – you know where you're comfortable. That's all well and good, but you know how when you leave a pile of clutter on the kitchen table it somehow becomes a part of the scenery and you don't even notice it after a while? Exactly.

Show Up With Other Girls

Show up with chicks, win

A lot of the time it's not when you arrive to the party (fashionably late is the only option, in case you were wondering), but who you arrive with. If one or two of your attractive female friends are going to the party, be a nice guy and offer them a ride over. Please note the key word: attractive. This will not work if you arrive with your land-whale best buddy Shelly, no matter how “great her personality” is.

By arriving with one or more hot girls, you're playing off of human's innate ability to practice something called social preselection. What this basically means is that the other women at the party will see you waltzing in with an attractive girl and automatically think, “Wow, that girl is really pretty, and she's here with...that guy? He must have something going for him! Probably money or a huge wiener! Oh boy, could it be both? I have to find out!”

Play an Instrument

Guitar gets you laid

Every single house party in the history of mankind has had at least one of them on the attendance list. That douchebag with a guitar. His name is probably Sage or Brad. We all hate him. He's not even that good! But he doesn't care, because he's surrounded by girls as he strums the chords to some song by Coldplay, and you're over in the corner, fantasizing about breaking his shitty acoustic guitar over his head.

If you want to reduce your douche-factor yet still take advantage of the powerful weapon of music, try picking up a non-standard instrument. Which, for the purpose of house parties, is pretty much anything but a guitar. When's the last time you saw some guy whip out a harmonica? Or an accordion? Wait, no, that's probably worse. But if there happens to be a piano around and you can play something classy, that's a whole lot more interesting than being guitar-guy.

Hoard Beer

A variety of awesome beers

All good things must come to an end, and everyone knows the death knell of a house party: no more beer. Except you were so close to sealing the deal with that girl, right? If you pull out a couple of last-minute beers that nobody else knows about, you might get to pull something else out later. Wink wink.

If you can, make a game out of it. “I might happen to know where a secret stash of beer is. Want to help me find it?” Then, assuming the intoxication levels are high enough, take her hand and lead her on a retarded giggling spree to wherever you stashed the booze earlier. Kitchen cabinets behind a box of Lucky Charms is good, the trunk of your car is creepy, unless that's your thing. The main benefits to this subversive little ploy isn't just for the purpose of continuing to get her liquored up, but also to escalate physical contact (taking her hand) and to increase comradery (a secret just the two of you know about). Bonus flirt points if you jokingly “forget” where you put it and lead her on a bit.

Be Creative

When all else fails, fire up the dusty right side of your brain and get in touch with your inner attention whore. I once attended a house party in a pair of very ugly white jeans with a pocketful of differently colored magic markers. I asked girls – many of whom I had never met before – if they wanted to sign and/or draw my pants, with their choice of color. It shouldn't take more than a handful of girls before one of them gets the “hilarious” and “totally unique” idea to draw a penis on the crotch of the pants.

This sounds ridiculous, and my male friends told me it was a retarded idea, and it was, but it worked. By the end of the evening, the pants looked like Bob Ross had puked on them. They looked even better on the floor in the bedroom I ended up fornicating in with a nice young lady. Creativity works, boys.

Steve attanasie

Double Viking