There are only a few times in every man's life when he gets the opportunity to see something truly great, something truly revolutionary. It's a moment he'll remember for the rest of his days, an experience that he'll recount to his grandchildren, a youthful spark in his eye. For some people it was the moon landing, for others it was when the great war ended. Maybe today is that day for you, because pictured above is one of the most brilliant innovations mankind has ever created.
That's right. It's a TV remote control with a bottle opener on the side.
TV Remote Digital Watch
Before you have a knee-jerk reaction and say, “Pfft, looks like it's for nerds,” let me explain why you would be dead wrong, you sweaty jock. Not only does the TV remote control watch look pretty decent, it would be great for convenience. Can't find the remote? No need to get off the couch, just use your watch!
But that's not the main feature here, no. This watch can invigorate your inner prankster. You remember a few years back when those mini remotes came out, so that you could change TV channels in a restaurant or a bank or something? This is exactly like that, except James Bond style. Nobody would expect you to be changing the TV channels with your watch.
Panasonic's Prototype Gel Remote
This remote probably isn't something that you'd want to have personally, but it's definitely manly. Phallic in nature, the gel remote is limp and pliable when you set it down, say, on the coffee table. But check this out: it has sensors to detect when it's getting picked up, upon which it immediately gets hard. Seriously, this is a remote that goes from limp to hard after being touched.
Is your girl watching too many reruns of Maury lately, and not giving you the attention you need? Give her one of these, and maybe she'll get the hint.