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Bullet Points: 8 Halloween Costumes Sure To Piss Everyone Off

 



  • Osama Bin Laden:  Going as Osama might've been sorta, kinda funny in the post 9/11, pre Iraq War days. But now, the guy's a symbol of everything the government's done wrong thus far. No one wants to be reminded that we dethroned the wrong despot, which is exactly what this fantastic costume will do. As an added bonus, you should carry around an American flag you can sneeze into.

  • Anna Nicole Smith with Vomit All Over Her Chest:  After she died, the 24-hour news networks attempted to magically transform the former centerfold from a punchline into Marilyn Monroe for the new millenium.  It didn't work, but that doesn't mean that it's not in really bad taste to dress up like her with vomit all over her chin and chest.  For added anger, go with a fat friend and a really skinny friend, and between the three of you, cover fat Anna, vomitface Anna and zoooooombie Anna.  Nothing melts away the pounds like TrimSpa (baby), unless it's a few months of death.  When you get slapped, continue mumbling incoherently.

  • Borat:  Everyone was sick of Borat LAST halloween, so no one wants to see his mustachioed ass now. Which is why this costume is brilliant. Borat's so out that you'll have hicks rolling their eyes, making this the perfect "Fuck You" costume for 2007. Wa wa wee wa!

  • Guy from NAMBLA:  Ah, NAMBLA.  Possibly the most hated organization in North America.  What better way to frighten the children trick-or-treating in your neighborhood -- and bring their parents into a violent rage -- than to show up at your door proudly sporting a t-shirt with NAMBLA emblazoned across the chest in big block letters.  To complete the costume, wear dark sunglasses with a long black rectangle of tagboard (with eye holes) glued onto the front.  This will simulate the way you censor your eyes when you send your picture to little boys over the internet to mask your identity from those damn feds.

  • Youssif, the Badly Burned Boy from CNN: CNN.com has rapidly been flushing itself down the toilet and a recent reminder of this was a series of (non) stories they ran on this kid Youssif. Youssif was burned in a fire in Iraq, just like THOUSANDS of other kids in Iraq. But CNN decided to make Youssif the poster child of the war. Which is fine by us, because they gave us a brilliant new costume. This is this year's Steve Irwin, folks...anyone who "gets" what you're referencing will be fucking mad, no question.

  • Cho Seung-Hui:  This costume obviously is easiest to pull off if you're already Asian, but it really can work for anyone.  All you need is a series of belts to sling around your black clothes, a hammer, and some copies of the plays you wrote, which you carry around everywhere to bemoan your general lack of talent.  This costume is almost certain to get you fucked up by someone.

  • A Beaten-Up Monk:  It's hard out here for a Monk!  While everyone else is making pithy pop-culture references, you'll be living life from behind the determined eyes of a monk who just got the shit beat out of him by Myanmar police.  Wearing this costume, you're certain to get the vaunted, "Dude.  Seriously.  Not cool," response from at least one hippie dressed up as a businessman.

  • Chris Benoit:  What a difference a day makes. Or, two days. Had former WWF (or WWE, for the wimps) wrestler Chris Benoit refrained from murdering his wife and child and then killing himself, going as him on Halloween would've seemed like some childish but ironic fun, much like an Iron Sheik or Andre the Giant costume would be. But not anymore. Now, if you're rocking the Benoit gear, that's a message to people; you're saying, "Hey! I have the rage inside me, so stand clear!" For added enjoyment, carry around some steroids (which he injected into his son) and some free weights (which he used to kill his family). Yaaay!

Steve attanasie

Double Viking

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